The U62 Movie
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Al B. Back
Arnold Schwarzenegger and rapper Al B. Sure team up in this rousing nail-biting buddy picture. Cigar-chomping, woman-groping, Nazi-sympathizing health-nut Arnold must help his mismatched "streetwise" partner Al B. cash his latest welfare check before the local ABC closes.
(Director: K. Finkleman)
Almost Rambow
In his latest mission, Rambow must save television show hosts from an evil concentration camp in Southern California. And when the Eiffel Tower and the Coliseum get in the way, look out!
(Director: J. Levey)
The Archies
Compelling look at the oft-controversial pop group of the 1960s. Highlights include a hopped-up Jughead exposing himself at a concert in Toledo and the grueling battle between the band and Don Kirshner to prevent changing the lyrics to "Sugar Sugar."
(Director: O. Stone)
Being Corey Feldman
The recent hit indie film about a desk clerk who finds a hallway leading into the mind of the aging teen idol/cocaine vacuum. Sean Astin also stars.
(Director: C. Armstrong)
The Civil War
Hot on the heels of the hits Gettysburg and Gods and Generals, Orion Pictures presents the most dramatic and realistic look at the War Between the States. U62 will regrettably trim the length of the movie to fit in the two-hour broadcast slot, altering it from its original length of 2,103,840 minutes...the actual length of the actual Civil War!
(Director: M. Cimino)
The Color Purple: The Special Edition
This update of Steven Spielberg's classic early-1900s drama features numerous visual changes from the original 1985 version, better presenting the director's vision of the story. Among the changes: Oprah Winfrey no longer shoots first, Danny Glover performs a "spider walk" down the stairs, and Whoopi Goldberg goes inside the spaceship.
(Director: S. Spielberg)
Conan the Librarian
In this low-budget sequel, violent swordsman Conan the Barbarian takes up a new job in the suburbs where strength is useless and knowledge is power. He loses.
(Director: J. Levey)
Fried Green Burritos
Academy Award winners Jessica Tandy and Cheech Marin star in this charming story about a lowly Taco Bell employee in the rural South. This is the first time the film will be aired uncut, including the controversial "cinnamon crisps" scene.
(Director: P. Rodriguez)
Gandhi II
No more passive resistance! The spiritual leader has decided to take back his land one slimeball at a time, cleaning up the streets and pleasing the ladies all at once. He's back...and this time, he's out to kick some butt!
(Director: J. Levey)
Gilligan's Island: The Movie
Al Pacino is the "little buddy" and Marlon Brando is the cuddly Skipper in this epic action movie based on the popular rerun-package fodder. Among the updates in this blockbuster include the revealing of Mrs. Howell as a cyborg and the "alternative lifestyles" led by Ginger and Mary Ann.
(Director: Sherwood "Aruba" Schwartz)
Gone with a Whim
It's the rural South. Plantations...cotton...lemonade...and WAR. It's the War Between the Networks! Will ABC's T.G.I.F lineup get higher ratings than CBS's Saturday Night Crapfest? If that's not enough, in the middle of it all is a young Southern belle trying to rebuke the affection of a neighborly upstart.
(Director: J. Levey)
Goyz N the Hood
Cuba Gooding, Jr., Ice T, Jackie Mason, and Richard Lewis star in this chilling look at an all-Gentile gang trying to muscle their way into an all-Jewish ghetto. Soundtrack features Two Live Jews and the Electric Amish.
(Director: I. Titlebaum)
Home Alone 4
Now in his early twenties, cute lil' Kevin (Macaulay Culkin) is stranded in war-torn Somalia, still in his winter coat and cap. Kevin uses his brains and tricks people into believing yet another coincidentally worded scene from yet another "old" gangster movie, among other retreads.
(Director: C. Columbus)
The Jackson Family
They're creepy, they're kooky! This cheery autobiopic chronicles the Jacksons from their first recording sessions at day care to Michael's recent scandalous affair with Bubbles the Chimp. Starring Michael, Janet, and of course Tito.
(Director: J. Landis)
Kramer Vs. Kramer Vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin
Broadcast television premiere!
A heartwarming, bittersweet tale about a recently reconciled couple who, after winning the custody of their son from a giant lizard, fight for their son's life and well-being with a gruff hairless Texan.
(Director: M. Foley)
Madonna: Look at My Hooters
The pop diva's follow-up to her tell-all concert documentary Truth or Dare, trailing the star before an appearance on The Rosie O'Donnell Show. This time, however, Madonna decided to cut to the chase and just shake herself in front of the camera for an hour and a half.
(Director: P. Verhoeven)
The Man Without a Face
Robert DeNiro stars in this heartwarming remake of the cherished Mel Gibson classic. To get into character, DeNiro sandblasted his face for nine hours to resemble the make-up work of the original masterpiece.
(Director: H. P. Warren)
Mars Needs Women
Tommy Kirk and Yvonne Craig lead an all-star cast as martian Dop (Kirk) heads to Earth in search of females, particularly sexy scientist/nightclub singer/dancer/superheroine Marjorie Bolen (Craig).
(Writer/Director: L. Buchanan)
The Mother Theresa Story
Tom Cruise leads an all-star cast in this exciting biopic of the saintly Theresa. For the first time on television, U62 will feature the uncensored love scene between Theresa and three others with corny-looking porcelain figurines blocking the genitals.
(Director: J. Roach)
Pong
Steven Seagal stars in this intense epic based on the popular video game. Kris Kristofferson is Left Paddle, and Gary Busey is Right Paddle...with our mercenary hero caught in the middle.
(Directors: R. Morton/A. Jankel)
Porridge!
Steven Spielberg's grand adventure in the tradition of his previous film Hook! A now-middle-aged Goldilocks returns to the Three Bears' cottage, but she soon learns that things are not "just right."
(Director: S. Spielberg)
Raiders of the Fallen Arches
A lone adventurer...a runaway train...an obsessive boulder! Oklahoma Freleng must hunt through mystical Tulsa to discover and collect the lost crotch-grabbing Treasure of the Fallen Arches...before the Illinois Nazis beat him to it (and beat him!).
(Director: J. Levey)
Regarding Buck Henry
The tragic and heartwarming story of a talented writer and comic actor who now can only get bit parts in movies directed by friends he made while hosting Saturday Night Live in 1978.
(Director: G. Weis)
The Russia House Party
Sean Connery, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Kid n' Play star in this wild, intriguing hip-hop thriller set in South Central Moscow. Also stars David Niven, Jonathan Pryce, and Gilbert Gottfried.
(Director: "Ice T" Reiner)
60% Chance of Rain
In the latest of the natural-disaster movies, a lone park ranger calls martial law and tries to save a doomed city from a spring shower.
(Director: P. Reed)
So I Married an Axe Murderer Too
Matt Frewer and Melanie Hussle star in the sequel to the 1993 Mike Myers comedy. This time around, Charlie's brother meets up and falls in love with Harriet's sister, and let's just say the genes for comedic suspicion must run in the family!
(Director: K. Finkleman)
Stephen King's That Pruning Shears Guy
Based on the best-selling cocktail-napkin joke, this story features fan-favorite King elements such as a lot of "F" words, gratuitous use of product and TV show names, and the usual eerie flashback in which one of the female characters was sexually molested in her youth.
(Director: J. Schumacher)
Tapeheads
John Cusack and Tim Robbins star as two former security guards who desperately try to break into the music-video biz. Cameos includes Michael Nesmith, Don Cornelius, Connie Stevens, and "Wierd" All Yankovich.
(Director: B. Fishman)
Thelma & Louise 2
In this exciting sequel, Thelma and Louise are now dead and find out that even in the afterlife, all men are pigs.
(Directors: R. James/I. Turner)
The Third Sense
Bruce Willis and Haley Joel Hodgson star in the chilling, critically acclaimed thriller about a troubled boy who can smell dead people.
(Director: C. M. Burns)
This Island Earth
Big-foreheaded aliens Exeter and Brack gather klunky white scientists via their Interociter to force them to save their doomed planet of Metaluna with huge amounts of nuclear energy. A beslacked insect monster called a MutAnt rounds out the charming cast.
(Director: J. Newman)
The Wedgie Club
Brad Pitt and Crispin Glover are together again in this visually stimulating look at life in an L.A. kickboxing arena's locker room. Features the hit soundtrack with Dudez-a-Plenti, Hogg Whitman, and The Kipper Kids.
(Director: E. Deezen)
You're From Jersey? I'm From Jersey!: The Movie
In an effort to turn every Saturday Night Live sketch into a movie, Lorne Michaels brings this classic Joe Piscipo character back for more fun and merriment as he gets lost in Staten Island.
(Director: L. Michaels, Producer: L. Michaels, Writer: L. Michaels, Editor: L. Michaels, Caterer: L. Michaels)
